The Big Question:
When do I get my child a phone — and what kind should it be?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but there are practical steps that can help you make a confident decision.
Below, you’ll find resources on:
Introducing Devices
A Gradual Approach to Devices
Think of introducing technology like training wheels — don’t jump straight to a mountain bike. Start slow, build skills, and progress based on your child’s maturity.
Stepping Stones to Independence
You don’t have to leap from family iPad time to smartphone ownership. Try these intermediate steps:
Use alternative tools: A smartwatch, landline, or flip phone may meet your goals for staying in touch.
Designate tech zones: Keep usage to shared spaces like the kitchen or living room.
Expand gradually: Start with basic apps (like educational tools) and slowly introduce messaging or communication features.
These stages help you and your child learn together.
Shared Family Devices
Most families begin with shared tablets or devices that are not smart phones, like fixed lines, flip phones, or “dumbphones.” These early steps help you observe how your child handles tech before giving them more independence.
Watch for signs of readiness:
Can they follow time limits without constant reminders?
Do they transition away from screens without a meltdown?
Can they navigate frustration and confusing content appropriately?
Do they have skills to navigate the world (who is safe to ask for directions, what do I do if I lose track of my friends at the mall, etc.)?
Insight
Nearly 70% of parents say parenting is now more difficult than it was 20 years ago, with technology and social media as the top two cited reasons. (Pew Research Center, 2020)
Timing: What’s Typical?
Think of introducing technology like training wheels — don’t jump straight to a mountain bike. Start slow, build skills, and progress based on your child’s maturity.
There’s no "perfect" age, but families often find it helpful to see what others are doing — and what experts suggest:
Elementary School: Shared family devices only (flip phones, fixed lines, “dumbphones”)
Middle School: Flip phones or basic starter phones
High School: Smartphone readiness (depending on maturity)
What matters more than age is why you’re considering a device. Ask yourself:
Is it to stay in touch while apart?
Is it for managing after-school plans?
Is it just for entertainment?
Let your why guide your when.
Insight
Some 51% of children ages 8 and younger now have their own mobile device, up from 45% in 2017. (Common Sense Media, 2025)
Choosing to Wait
More and more families are deciding to delay giving their child a smartphone — and for good reason.
Waiting allows your child more time to develop the emotional maturity, communication skills, and self-regulation needed to handle a smartphone responsibly. It also gives you time to build healthy habits together with simpler tech tools first.
Why Families Choose to Wait:
They want more time to build trust and digital habits with shared or basic devices
They’re not ready to open the door to social media, group texts, or 24/7 internet access
Their child hasn’t shown consistent responsibility with existing privileges
They don’t feel their child is ready to handle the risks — and they’re not ready to manage the supervision
Common Alternatives Families Use While Delaying:
Smartwatches with GPS and limited texting/calling features
Flip phones or basic phones for emergencies and check-ins
Shared family devices with limited access and time
Walkie-talkie-style apps or communication tools (like voice messengers)
Insight
72% of U.S. teens say they often or sometimes feel peaceful when they don’t have their smartphone (Pew Research Center, 2024)
Talking to Your Child About Waiting
Delaying can be hard—especially when “everyone else” has one. But how you frame it matters.
Try saying:
“We’re doing things differently in our family, and that’s okay.”
“We want to make sure you feel confident and safe when you do have one.”
“There’s no rush—you’ll be using devices your whole life. Let’s take the time to get it right.”
Help your child practice ways to talk to their peers about your family’s decision, like:
“I’m getting one later–my family has different rules.”
“I can’t use that app right now, but I’ll let you know when I can.”
“We’re just not doing smartphones yet—but I can still talk to you outside of school through [watch/the home phone/playdates]!”
Consider This Before You Say Yes
Smartphones open the door to the entire internet, social media, group chats, and more. Readiness isn’t just about age—it’s about maturity.
Ask Yourself:
Does my child follow rules and manage responsibilities without constant reminders?
Can they say, “I saw something that made me uncomfortable and I want to tell you”?
Are they managing their schoolwork and daily routines independently?
Can we have open conversations about tricky topics (like online predators, sexting, or bullying)?
Am I ready to support and model good digital habits?
If the answer to any of these is "Not yet," it might not be time.
Non-Negotiables to Consider:
Devices never used in bathrooms or bedrooms
Open conversations about worst-case scenarios before handing over a device
Regular check-ins and family expectations clearly discussed
Building Skills
Handling Social Pressure
You might hear: "But everyone else has one!"
Your child might feel left out—and that's hard.
Give them language they can use confidently:
“My family has different rules.”
“I’m not ready for that app yet.”
“We’re doing something different right now.”
Explain the why behind your family’s decisions. Role-play tricky conversations. Let them know it’s okay to feel frustrated — but you’re in it together.
Setting Up That First Device
Start with more structure. Then, loosen the reins as your child earns more trust and shows more responsibility.
Setup Tips:
Location sharing: Turn it on for safety, but talk about how it might change as they grow.
Contacts: Pre-approve who they can message or call.
Apps: Start with a few age-appropriate ones. Add others together after talking about them.
Time limits: Use built-in tools, and involve your child in setting reasonable rules.
House Rules Matter:
Decide together where devices can and can’t go. Many families make bedrooms device-free zones—especially after dark.
Watch for signs of readiness:
Decide together where devices can and can’t go. Many families make bedrooms device-free zones—especially after dark.
Building Healthy Tech Habits (for Everyone)
Start small. Stay consistent. This isn’t about controlling your child—it’s about mentoring them in a space they’ll live in for years to come. Here are a few ideas that work for families:
Co-watch or co-play
It builds connection and insight
Model balance
Put your own phone down during meals and conversations
Talk often
Ask about their favorite apps, shows, or games
Teaching Kids About Calling & Texting
As kids move from shared family devices in elementary school to starter phones in middle school and eventually smartphones in high school, it’s important to teach them not just how to use the device, but also how to communicate respectfully and safely. Each stage is a step up in responsibility — treat calls and texts as skills to be learned gradually.
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On a shared family device, start with a small, parent-approved list of contacts (close family and maybe a friend or two).
Practice basics: how to answer politely, leave a clear voicemail, and send short texts with supervision.
Teach when to call vs. when to text (emergencies vs. updates).
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This is often the stage when a child may get their first personal device. Emphasize that it comes with new responsibilities.
Expand their contact list slowly as they show readiness.
Make it clear devices should be used openly, not hidden away in bedrooms or bathrooms.
Talk about tone and respect in texts, and how to block or report unwanted messages.
Begin discussing group texts: including others, not oversharing, and knowing when to leave a thread.
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For many families, this is the stage when a smartphone is introduced — ideally once maturity has been shown with simpler devices.
A smartphone brings extra layers: managing apps, social media, and constant connectivity.
Encourage independence while keeping open check-ins about contacts and communication habits.
Reinforce boundaries: no late-night texting, no devices in bedrooms overnight, and caution about what’s shared.
Teach how to handle tricky situations: unkind messages, pressure for photos, or requests from people they don’t know.
Remind them that digital communication leaves a record — help them think long-term about what they send.
Tip:
Help your child imagine and prepare for texting-related scenarios. For example: how to respond if a peer texts something mean, how to politely end a long call, or how to say “I can’t text right now, I’ll get back later.” These small practice runs build confidence before real challenges come up.
Reset Phone Habits: It’s Not Too Late
Maybe your child already has a phone—and you’re realizing you wish you had waited, started with fewer features, or set clearer boundaries. The good news: It’s not too late to reset. Device habits can change at any stage, and your influence as a caregiver still matters.
Why It’s Not Too Late:
Kids adapt faster than you might expect to new expectations.
You can always tighten privacy settings, reduce screen time, and introduce healthier routines.
Conversations about safety, responsibility, and balance work just as well after a phone is in hand as they do before.
How to Reset Phone Use:
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Even if they’ve had a phone for years, create a Family Tech Agreement together.
Use it to set new boundaries—like no phones in bedrooms at night—or to reinforce existing ones.
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Talk about the purpose of their phone: safety, staying connected, learning—not endless entertainment.
Agree on which features matter most and which can be limited or removed.
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If you need to cut screen time or remove certain apps, do it in steps.
Replace the time with offline activities you plan together.
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Turn off app store access, disable certain notifications, or use screen time tools to create healthy limits.
Consider switching to a more basic device if the smartphone is causing stress or constant conflict.
Be sure to ask for feedback from your child–hear from them about what they like about certain apps and what they dislike.
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Show them you’re also willing to set boundaries for yourself, like no devices at the dinner table or during conversations.
Insight
Kids who already own devices can still benefit from a “step back” approach—removing apps, using simpler devices, or reintroducing tech-free times. Devorah Heitner, author of Growing Up in Public, recommends treating this like adjusting a bike for safety: “It’s never too late to add the training wheels back on if they need them.”
Resources
Is My Child Ready?
A Quick Checklist for Parents
Use this checklist to guide your decision. You don’t need to check every box — but the more you can say yes to, the better prepared your child is.
My child follows rules and routines without constant reminders
They transition away from screens with minimal pushback
They know how to ask for help when something feels off or uncomfortable
We’ve had clear, honest conversations about online safety and worst-case scenarios
My child shows empathy and respects others’ boundaries
They can manage schoolwork, chores, and daily responsibilities independently
I feel ready to model good digital habits
We’ve agreed on where and when devices can be used (e.g., no phones in bedrooms)
I’m comfortable with the level of monitoring and control I plan to use
I’m prepared to keep checking in and adjusting as we go
If several of these feel like a “Not yet,” that’s okay. This decision doesn’t need to be rushed.
Printable Checklist
Download the PDF version below to print it out and review with your family!
Conversation Starters
Talking to your child about tech doesn’t have to feel awkward or overwhelming. The key is to make it a regular part of your conversations—not just a one-time “big talk.”
Here are some prompts to help you get started:
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“What’s your favorite app or game? What do you like about it?”
“Have you ever seen something online that confused or upset you?”
“What do you think is a good rule for screen time?”
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“If someone sent you a message that made you uncomfortable, what would you do?”
“Do your friends have phones? What do they use them for the most?”
“What would you do if someone asked for a photo of you that you weren’t sure about?”
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“How do you decide what’s okay to share online?”
“Do you feel pressure to be on certain apps? What’s that like?”
“What’s something you’ve seen online that made you feel proud, inspired, or angry?”
Tip:
Try having these conversations while driving, walking, or cooking together — it helps take the pressure off.
Creating a Family Tech Agreement
When kids help create the rules, they’re more likely to follow them. Plan to revisit your agreement as your child grows.
Here’s what to include:
When and where: Define tech-free times (like meals or bedtime) and zones (like bathrooms and bedrooms).
How we communicate: Talk about tone in texts, when to switch to a call, and resolving digital conflict.
Privacy and sharing: What can be posted? What’s off-limits?
Consequences: Set clear, calm responses when rules are broken—focused on learning, not punishment.
